Wednesday, December 27, 2006

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it does not matter

and oh what a feeling inside of me,
it might last for an hour.
wounds are not healing Inside of me,
though it feels good now.
i know it's only for now.

so, the grade has nothing to add, many thanks to the lord gore highly valued.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

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confusion

life's about confusion. sometimes i think that's it all doubts occurred. I'm wondering, WEATHER i fell in love. I'm not sure. maybe it's just, because. I'd love anybody more than the one, i should actually love at the moment. i really do not know. let's follow Lenin's wait and see policy and wait and see, where we get with it.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

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reflections

I am also: 1 year before the final school closure. barely a month before I'm an adult. and more and more I realize you were there live a. a whole life and it belongs only to you. But what begins to live with one?

how many times I've played role-playing and looking forward to the many choices. "That is so real!" "You can let the whole development of character" and now I'm sitting here and suddenly I will not even go so many ways, so many can "skills" to acquire. I'm terribly free. everyone knows "the sims", each is created before such a figure and a small history considered to have determined which job, what clothes, what interests, what sexual affection, how much money, what kind of an apartment of the sim should. incredibly cool anyway.

suddenly, but as this sim caro. not only heard "Flupp" as he was from child to adult. more surprising that it now is there. well, some things are certain. - Only what? even the most essential - his musical tastes - can be selected.

there is no question of who I am. there is no answer like: "be yourself" I'm the player, I choose - god same - as this has to be a sim.

there is no internal I very deeply in me that is waiting to be found. there is only one calibrated personality matrix. and this calibration is in my hand.

is how do I know who I want to be? should I have to do to shape itself, have not spiritual one that has some ideas? some ethics? But if this spirit in me is, then where are his ideas that come his ethics, but when that which is to be I have not even exist? when what I should be only be formed when either?

>> You throw me into confusion and even desperation \u0026lt;\u0026lt;

it's all about fun, you know? since there's no 'meaning of life' or any crap like that, it's all about fun, isn't it? so why the hell shall i worry about, who i want to be. see, as long as you laugh, everything is allright, right? see, no one really cares about you anyways. no, that's no self-pity, it's just reality and you know what? i'm glad things work out that way. i'm glad. if it wasn't like this, if it really made a difference, who i am, if the world really - you know, like cared_, if i really mattered, how the hell could i be able to take all the responsibility? is it ok, to say, senslessness provides freedom? i do think so. at least, it's a great attitude to get along.

unglücklicherweise autosuggestion works only sometimes.
confused, as always.

Monday, December 4, 2006

Speaches For 60th Birthdays

dietzel @ 2006-12-04T13: 03:00

The beauty of the entries here is yes, you even think about it, what you have done so lately. For me it was driving above all: to A., to my parents, I was quite the move. At home I've assembled a new computer - with the usual teething problems. And of course the work, here's lately a lot to do. Nothing exciting or anything worth mentioning, but I am still a little stressed.

this was the weekend at my parent's very relaxing. With cookies, Advent and comfort. And is equivalent to A. To me, because she has this day off, which is of course much better!